From: Denise L.
The following Testimony comes from a very brave woman in Springfield, Massachusetts. Once again, I want to emphasize that I am merely the guide to help one along. The real credit goes to the phobic person who makes the commitment to do the work of recovering. Congratulations Denise! (I always knew you could!) Here's her story: I was living a life of hopelessness, fear, and despair; always asking, ìWhat is wrong with me? Where do I go for help? I canít live another day this way - should I end it now? I donít understand why my head is spinning with all these thoughts of doom. What am I afraid of?î To the point I just didnít leave home anymore. I was too afraid to face the world and my life. Doctors, psychologists, social workers asking them all the same question ìWhat is wrong with me.î Nerves -ìIíll give you some medication.î That still didnít work - had to take more pills because I was afraid of leaving the house to go see the doctor. Thoughts running through my head over and over: ìWonder if I get dizzy, my heart is beating too fast, my legs are wobbling, my mouth is dry, and my hands are cold. I canít catch my breath. How far is it away from home?î One day I read an article in our daily newspaper and I saw that a ìtherapistî was actually taking a client to a local mall for an ìexposure therapyî session. ìWhat is exposure therapy?î I was so desperate, enviousÖ I wanted my life back. So I took a deep breath and with a shaky hand and wobbly voice, I called and I thank my Lord to this day that ìCindyî picked up the phone that day! All I said is ìI need help!î and that started my journey to wellness. Cindy listened and knew all too well what I was feeling. Because she herself had experienced panic attacks, knew what agoraphobia was about. I finally found someone who understood. I wasnít crazy. Because I was house bound Cindy came to my home and slowly we worked out a strategy of how she would be my guide in plotting my course to wellness and to achieving a workable and manageable life. Cognitive therapy - working on my thoughts and beliefs, Exposure therapy - working on facing those fears first hand. Teaching me to relax in situations which previously triggered panic, helping me find positive and exciting goals that could be achieved in the outside world. Tools to ward off those negative thoughts. It has been the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done. It has been a journey of self - awareness. The downside of my story is that my spouse of 16 years left and we are now divorced because of the panic disorder. He couldnít live with my limitations any more. The wonderful upside in my journey is that Iíve become my own best friend and can say I love living alone. I hold a fulfilling full time job and I have my life back. Iíve survived life-threatening surgery. Have traveled; love going to live theater, movies and the malls. Some of those old ìfeelingsî still do creep in; so I take a pause and call ìmy therapistî for what I call ìmy mental health checkup.î And all I have to say is ìI need help!î Cynthia Ashley is the ìwind beneath my wingsî and sheís guided me ìon how to fly.î Denise L. Springfield MA